Self compassion

"If I talked to my friends the way I talk to myself, I wouldn't have anyone left by my side. So, I began to pay attention to how I speak to myself out loud or in my head. Conversations in your head are much more difficult, but you can have better control over the words that come out of your mouth. So, speak to yourself out loud and make sure the words are loving and supportive, nurturing; try to be your own best friend." - Wentworth Miller, actor from Prison Break, in an interview at the University of Oxford.

Speaking to yourself with feelings of understanding, love, care, having the ability to forgive yourself and tell yourself "you're okay just as you are" are the basis of self-compassion.

I'm very empathetic and understanding. With others. When it comes to myself, any result below my expectations confirms a self-image, often negative.

Many years ago, a teacher told me that self-esteem is a skill and, like all skills, it is learned. It was enlightening. I could work to increase my self-esteem. To do this, however, I had to start taking care of my inner child.

I was an adult and I could learn to take care of all my parts, even the fragile ones, the most annoying ones, the unpleasant ones, the ones hidden from others.

To change what you think of yourself, you must start by forgiving yourself, giving yourself permission to be imperfect, and understanding that sometimes things go well while other times they could lead to a complete disaster and this doesn't take away anything from your worth. You're still you.

The Benefits of Self-Compassion

I tried to imagine a logical approach to listing the reasons why we should be compassionate towards ourselves.

Self-love messages come from everywhere, and as much as I feel they're right and find myself thinking "from tomorrow I'll accept myself for who I am," the next day I slip back into certain dynamics and train this skill little.

So, I thought about what could be effective in convincing myself and I referred to critical thinking.

I found 4 reasons:

1. Discomfort is an opportunity for growth. There are situations that make you uncomfortable: social events, a new work environment, writing an article for your blog or a post for your page. Being in that discomfort is an opportunity for growth. Being compassionate towards yourself means giving yourself permission to be in that discomfort and knowing that, whatever happens, you're still okay.

2. Self-compassion is a saving: have you ever thought about how much time and energy you lose when you start thinking about that mistake, all the negative thoughts and catastrophic scenarios you imagine because you think you didn't measure up?

3. Contact with reality: in this whirlwind of thoughts, everything becomes ugly, the social evening, for example, was a complete disaster! If, instead, you tried to look at the scene as a whole, you would see that you put yourself out there and then had a couple of opportunities to speak and exchange ideas, maybe even some social contacts.

4. Self-compassion means accepting your own vulnerability: creativity, the ability to empathize, the drive to improve, courage, authenticity all reside in it.

"True self-esteem is what we feel for ourselves when something goes wrong." - Nathaniel Branden