Ripples

Values as the Engine for Positive Change

Before talking about change, let's talk about resistance to change.

Yes, I should... maybe next week. No, well, I can't do it.

We feel that there's something we want to change, but we procrastinate. Many things happen in our lives:

1. Sometimes change is something that happens to us (organizational restructuring, loss, health issues, etc.). There are external forces that catapult us into a new reality, very different from before or only partially. It depends on what triggers it and how we experience these changes.

2. Then there is what is called planned change (I discussed it with my guest during the podcast), that is, the desired change, the imagined change, the change we feel the need for.

In both cases, even if we have sought that opportunity and can't wait to experience the new situation, we feel something holding back our enthusiasm. And the mechanism risks getting jammed.

What is it that holds us back? Resistance to change.

A small and necessary premise: resistance is common and natural.

Factors come into play such as self-preservation instinct, fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, fear of failure, attachment to routines and traditions, lack of understanding or clear communication about the reasons for change, lack of involvement or participation in the decision-making process (for example, a decision imposed from higher levels of the company).

To change means to accept the risk that things may turn out differently than we imagined. It means stepping out of our comfort zone (you can find the episode here).

When we were preparing for our move here to the Netherlands, with Excel spreadsheets, requests for information everywhere, long phone calls with those who wanted to help us with their testimonies, we had a certain image of our future in mind: a brick house with a garden, happy and multilingual children (an advantage for their future life!), jobs paid adequately and according to merit, etc. Ah! Expectations are wonderful. Thank goodness, otherwise we would truly remain frozen.

This is an example of planned change. Once here, we had to face reality and daily life. We achieved many things we desired, we didn't stray too far from that image, but there have been and still are many obstacles and adjustments.

On other occasions, however, change is something that happens to us and pushes us out of our comfort zone. I had the opportunity to discuss this with various guests on #coachforbreakfast: we can try, and I return to the point of how we experience change, to see it in a different way. The comfort zone is useful; it contains all our reference points, our anchors, and our certainties. It should not be demonized. So instead of leaving it, we can think of expanding it. Like a drop of water creating ripples: we don't completely leave it, but we broaden it to include new experiences and lessons.

Then there are those more painful changes. The ones that leave deep and never completely healed scars. The ones where starting over seems unbearable. Yet it must be done. One step at a time.

For all these changes, when you feel lost, scared, and confused, starting from yourself is the key. Being fully aware of yourself, your abilities, and your power allows you to start again from a fixed point, yourself. You know when we tell children that if they have a problem, they should turn to an adult. Well, you are the adult.

One step in this direction, which always helps me when I feel overwhelmed, full of doubts and paranoia, is to check my values. What guides me in the midst of chaos?

It happened to me just last week with my daughter: she was arguing with other children, the children of my friends. We were all together at a party. I was thinking about what I should prioritize: the judgment of others? the fear of causing a disturbance (childhood remnants)? my daughter's feelings and fears? Untangling the situation at home or there?

I tried to eliminate all intrusive thoughts and started to think: what do I truly care about?

Values

In my work as a career coach and as the host of the podcast, exploration is a crucial part of understanding what drives us to do what we do or to reconsider what we truly want to do. It can be tiring, of course. For me, it's the most beautiful part: it's like searching for keys and going to open all the various drawers where dormant desires are kept, experiences revealed to only a few (courses taken for hobbies, past work experiences, etc.), all the things learned over the years and set aside, waiting for better times.

Values are principles or beliefs that we consider important and that guide our choices, actions, and behavior. They represent what we believe is right, meaningful, or desirable in our lives. Values can be based on a combination of cultural, social, personal, and moral influences.

Values play a crucial role in facing change in various forms. They help us to:

1. Make decisions: they help us define what is most consistent with what we consider important and meaningful in our lives.

2. Orient ourselves: Values provide us with direction and a sense of purpose during change.

3. Adapt and be flexible: Values help us adapt to ongoing changes, providing us with a solid foundation from which we can face challenges and make necessary adjustments. They allow us to make choices that align with our core values while remaining open to change and flexibility in how we apply them.

4. Be consistent: Values help us maintain balance and inner harmony during change. They allow us to act in accordance with what we believe is right and authentic for ourselves.

5. Feel a sense of belonging and identity: Values connect us with others who share similar values. During change, finding people who share our values can create a sense of belonging, support, and sharing. This happened to me with the move abroad. Not only do we share the same experience, but also the values that guide us, allowing us to build a community.

Facing change can be a complex and challenging process. Values provide us with an internal compass that guides us through the stages of change, helps us make decisions, and supports us in maintaining our authenticity throughout the transformation journey.

Do you want to work on your values? Keep following me!

If you want to delve deeper into the topic of your values, write to me at chiaramarturano@gmail.com