Hitoritabi and Expat life
- Chiara Marturano
- May 22, 2023
- 4 min read
A Journey of Self-Discovery
As many of you know, four years ago my family and I moved to the Netherlands. It was a desire that had been born many years earlier: both my husband and I had already lived abroad, me for short periods and him during his university years. Like many others before and after us, we couldn't find what we needed in our own country: a well-paid job that matched our qualifications, time, and effort; too little space to play outdoors with our daughter; limited affordable activities for her and us; and social policies that didn't align with our values. We lived in a condominium, in a tiny house squeezed between neighbors above, below, and next to us, with a road wall attached to the building. We felt confined. But it was home, always ready to host friends and our extended family. And then there were our personal demons to escape.
We needed to find inner peace..
We planned for years, gathered information (on Excel files!), visited several countries, and then we decided on our destination: the Netherlands. More time passed as we figured out how, when, and to whom to send our job applications. After many unsuccessful interviews, the phone call came while we were on vacation, and we were hanging in suspense, knowing that our lives could change shortly. We were on the terrace of the studio that was hosting us. "So, are you coming to Eindhoven?" We were ready to say "ok." It was easy. Telling our extended family was not. In just over two months, we packed up our lives, leaving burdens and almost all our furniture behind.
One-way ticket. Two suitcases. It was Christmas. It was the first one we spent here. Alone.
Hitoritabi is the Japanese term for "solo journey," an opportunity to delve into one's inner self and reflect. I find that the philosophy behind Hitoritabi and the expat life share some similar aspects: the discovery of oneself in new and unfamiliar contexts, taking risks, facing the unknown, and embracing every opportunity that life offers.
When I arrived here, with my stumbling English and zero Dutch, I found it difficult to have a normal conversation. Fortunately, the friends I met during that time didn't need me to say much; something about me invited them to be by my side anyway. However, as a classroom teacher, I was used to talking for 8 hours a day. And now I found myself limited. Yet, for me, it was a healing process and an excellent exercise in listening. And it changed me. Compared to the me in Italy, I speak much less, and my sentences are simple and essential.
The philosophy of hitoritabi encourages taking a break from the daily frenzy. Being an expat has offered me the opportunity to take this break, while also going with the flow in a completely new culture and environment.
This kind of life, or journey, allows us to test our adaptability skills, learn a new language, live in an international community, and thus understand different cultural perspectives and broaden our horizons.
Certainly, solitude is not a fulfilling or desirable situation for everyone, and even for those who feel the need for it, it is not a constant state. There are many aspects of life abroad, from personal to work-related, that I would like to share and explore with you. And so, with today's article, I am inaugurating a column dedicated to the expat life.
What are the obstacles and absurd situations that we, as immigrants, have had to face, for example, when responding to a job advertisement? How do we navigate in a foreign country, and how have we readjusted to find our own path?
Sometimes good intentions are not enough: there are real and challenging obstacles to overcome, such as language barriers and the lack of a network. Sometimes it's a matter of habits: "I've always done it this way."
One of the key words in expat life is definitely "beginning." I started the adventure of podcasting, like all good beginnings, from a blank page: on one hand, it's a great opportunity to reinvent oneself, but on the other hand, let's face it, it's scary! And now? Where do I start?
So, how can we do it? How do we fill that blank page with anchors that give us strength and stability? How do we piece together our new selves? What did we leave behind in our old home? What pieces do we preserve? What new aspects and characteristics have we added?
And now an invitation: if you are also an expat and would like to share your experiences, write to me at chiaramarturano@gmail.com
If you are not an expat but are curious and have questions, the invitation to write is open to everyone!
Disclaimer. Expat or immigrants? I decided to use the term "expat" for two main reasons: firstly, it was a habit, as even before I arrived here, I was referred to as an expat, and at that time, I didn't know the implications behind using one word or another. The second reason is related to SEO, as "expat" is one of the most searched and relevant keywords in my line of work. Without experiencing direct discrimination, in my mind, expat and immigrant were (and still are) synonymous, and I have always used them interchangeably. I know now that it's not the case. But I want to dedicate an article to this topic because it is essential and not easily understood.
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