Falling...

A few days ago, a psychotherapist I follow on one of the social platforms published a post titled: "What Does It Mean When We Dream of Falling?" To understand it, the professional continued, we should ask ourselves what falling means to us.

My immediate response: failure.

I grew up with the idea that our worth and self-realization are tied to our work. If you follow the podcast, you know that I'm trying to debunk this false myth, among others. However...

However, there's always that little voice inside me that says the opposite: work determines if I have what it takes (I don't know if you can relate!) Movies, culture, politics, family—everything around me emphasized the need to strive for success in terms of money, corporate status, or popularity.

The issue remains highly relevant. Just a few days ago, a guest of mine said, "I have to hurry up and record, or else the algorithm will penalize me!" In other words, being downranked by the social platform results in fewer views, which ultimately means fewer clients and less work. The pursuit of popularity, success, and money persists in various forms.

Beyond the myths that need to be debunked and the meaning we ascribe to work, there are other factors to consider when facing these fears. We must take into account the time we invest, the energy we exert, the hopes we harbor, the commitment we put forth, the ideas we develop, and the challenge of aligning all of this with our everyday lives. It's possible that we see our work dissipate due to an error made along the way.

As much as I try to organize myself, study, and dedicate myself to certain things, some aspects escape my control. In short: this week, I was supposed to publish some reflections and a presentation on coaching work and career changes. In other words, my work. But guess what? I haven't published anything! Last week, I was supposed to record two episodes for the podcast: everything was ready, with fantastic guests, functioning applications, and revised and corrected questions.

I initiated the recording. I ended the recording. The result? The video played at triple speed and was filled with glitches. In other words, it was unusable due to a technical issue.

Panic. Confusion. And now?

Are making mistakes and failing the same thing?

Making a mistake refers to an incorrect action or decision, uncertainty, or an error in judgment. It's a natural process that is part of learning and personal growth. On the other hand, failure pertains to an undesirable outcome or the inability to achieve a predetermined goal. It is often associated with a sense of disappointment or frustration for not attaining what was expected.

On one hand, we face the error, and on the other hand, we confront our expectations. These are two very different situations. According to Jung, the dream of falling holds symbolic significance. It represents a descent into the unconscious and can be linked to the archetype of the shadow—the part of ourselves that we repress or deny, such as "I must not make mistakes or fail."

The falling in the dream symbolizes a break or loss of control, but at the same time, it can be seen as an opportunity for rebirth and transformation. Jung suggests that this dream invites us to explore our fears and inner shadows, enabling us to emerge with greater self-awareness. Quite a remarkable process, isn't it?

There are many nuances to falling, and each fall can be different. Their interpretation depends on what is happening within us and around us and If we are talking about mistakes or our expectations.

What do I do when I fall?

Or, at least, what do I do when it happens to me? No, I won't tell you that after a fall, you have to immediately pick yourself up. Come on, gather your strength!

Sometimes, the force of gravity or the sense of defeat is so overwhelming that recovering requires a tremendous effort.

Here are some insights based on my experience:

1. Acceptance. To err is human. Well, I know, maybe not for you if you were told that you couldn't make mistakes. I'm currently working with my daughter on understanding how mistakes help her readjust her path—for example, paying closer attention when given tasks, not getting distracted during challenging moments in her work, or seeking clarification when something isn't clear. And so on. With that said, mistakes happen. To everyone. In my case, I've been told it's also an obligatory stage for every respectable podcaster.

2. Preparing for the fall. It can happen. It's part of the learning and growth process. So, prepare strategies and cards to play in case it does happen. Write them down so that you have something tangible and practical to refer to. You can find some examples in the article.

3. Building a network. Create a network of acquaintances and friendships in your field. Maybe someone within that network has already been through a similar situation and can provide assistance. Or perhaps they can be a shoulder to lean on—it happens. Sometimes, even just a shrug of the shoulders can help. A support system is essential.

4. Asking for help. No one possesses superpowers. If you're like me and think you can do everything, we're mistaken. It's not possible. One thing I'm currently loving about #coachforbreakfast is the opportunity to interact with guests. Each of them is an expert in their field, sharing their experiences and knowledge. Sometimes, they confirm what I already know, while other times, they help me see things from a completely different perspective! At times, they open up entirely new worlds. An old saying goes, "Alone, we can go fast, but together, we can go far."

5. Reality.The reality check is fundamental in two ways. The first concerns the issue of making mistakes. Is it a practical error? Can it be rectified? Assess the effects and explore various solutions. The second pertains to failure and, therefore, expectations. Were they realistic? Were they realistic given the environment, the situation, and the possibilities at your disposal?

6. Take care of yourself. Sometimes, we make mistakes and fall under the weight of fear, fatigue, and countless daily commitments. Stop. Breathe. Before diving back in headfirst, take a moment. Catch your breath. Reorganize your thoughts.

What helped me during this round of falling? Determination, the fire of passion, the refusal to give up (not for something like this), the support network (spouse, friends, consultants, and technicians), reminding myself that I also have the right to forgive myself—I can't tell something to my daughter and then beat myself up, parenthood "forces" me to strive for consistency. Time: I gave myself time to understand the situation and evaluate the various options.

Let's create some cards together.

"Coping cards" or "coping strategies" are practical tools you can create to deal with difficult, stressful, and intense situations. Coping cards can be created in various ways, depending on your preferences and needs. Here are some ideas for cards you can create:

1. Mirror Reflection: Write a phrase that reflects a realistic image of yourself, rather than the one you currently hold. For example, shift from "I'm not capable of anything" to "I am able to do (list your abilities)". Or change from "I never achieve my goals" to "I have successfully achieved my goals when (list specific instances when you have accomplished what you set out to do)."

2. Stress Management Strategies: List specific actions or activities that help you reduce stress, such as meditation, exercise, deep breathing, or engaging in a hobby.

3. Problem-Solving Strategies: Write down steps or guiding questions to address and resolve problems in a structured way that holds value for you.

4. Help: Create a list of problems and people who could assist you with specific difficulties. If your mind is in a panic, a list can bring you back to the present moment.

5. Best Friend: Highly recommended everywhere, writing a mantra can truly help. Try to think of a supportive phrase. Can't think of anything? What would you say to your best friend if they were facing a challenge? Try to be your own best friend. What would you tell yourself? How would you comfort your fears or discouragement? Not with insults, right? But with kind words.

These cards can serve as reminders, allowing you to access your internal resources and face daily challenges in a healthier and more positive way.

Now it's your turn. What comes to mind? What card would you invent? If you feel like sharing your ideas, email me at chiaramarturano@gmail.com.