Long-distance relationships
I was recording an interview for #coachforexpat, and while discussing #expatriation and #connections with family and friends back in Italy, I asked my guest, "how do you balance your two lives?" She replied, "You're always late."
You're late for births and funerals, for surgeries and tough times that each of us goes through. You forget birthdays and the ages of the kids you've never met. I read somewhere that your life and the lives of those who grew up with you become parallel.
Some decide to cut ties because distance causes too much pain, or because they believe a long-distance relationship is a waste of time and energy.
Some, thanks to their tenacity and that of their loved ones, manage to maintain relationships despite all these shortcomings. In such cases, vacations are typically spent in Italy, bouncing between your new home and the old one. Once landed, the tour of relatives and friends begins, which, as wonderful as it is, exhausts you not only physically but, at least in my case, emotionally. I always end up shedding a lot of tears.
You lose pieces: relationships need to be nurtured with constancy, with presence, even physical presence. These are all things you can no longer guarantee.
I admit that I don't love returning to #Italy. Every time I come back, it's as if everything I tuck away in a corner of my heart explodes once I land.
Everyone I meet along the way poses the same question: What do you miss about Italy? The food? The sun? The beauty? The pizza? (Pizza is made everywhere, but beyond Italian borders, the standards of goodness change. Just seeing a wood-fired oven makes you think it will be the best pizza in the world, only to realize it's not the case when you spend a sleepless night). I miss my life companions.
Everyone adopts their own #coping strategies in these cases: some never call but when they do, it feels like you spoke just yesterday. Others send long messages and voice notes spanning miles, condensing all the updates and latest gossip into those few minutes of recording. Some keep asking, 'How much longer are you staying there?'
There is a Spanish film titled 'People who come and people who go'. Expat life is a bit like that. When you live in the same city where you grew up, you take for granted that you'll find the same people in the same place, even after years. Every time I'm in Genoa and stroll through the alleys of the port, I know I'll encounter those familiar faces.
Yesterday, a friend of mine returned from Japan. We chose each other as companions for this #journey five years ago. I know that for her, it's a chapter; one day, she will move far away again.
It's almost the same for everyone; we are always on the move. It's an uncertainty you get used to. They say we are all in transit. Since I've been living abroad, I've understood and felt this sense more than ever.
And so, what do you do? I know many people who have given up on connections outside their family circle, and I've observed more frustration and dissatisfaction with their lives. I believe that, instead, even if for a limited time, it's always worth it to build deep relationships. Love has its risks, but life would be barren without it.
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