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Writer's pictureChiara Marturano

Expat Journal

Are you moving abroad? Have a good vacation!

The other evening, I attended an event. A Dutch gentleman was complaining that foreigners didn't know how to speak the local language, even after years of residence, relying on the fact that everyone in this country knows how to speak English. And he continued, saying, "If I go on vacation, I prepare, I study beforehand!" I and most of the onlookers were taken aback! Vacation?!


The myth of a vacation when living abroad is very strong. Everything is new, everything is to be discovered. You're living an adventure. And this is true, especially when you are a wealthy migrant: you leave with a job, money in the bank, the security of a home and health insurance, and the knowledge of a language spoken everywhere that allows you to survive.


When you migrate, you don't know. Along the way, you learn that with these prerequisites, you are in business class. This gives you more security, and life abroad, at least initially, is an adventure.

But a vacation, no.

In our imagination, those who leave have gone to make a fortune! Hopes are there, of course. The reality is a bit different. You don't know anyone, you don't speak the language, you don't know the rules, you don't know the customs. You're not out of your comfort zone. You're on another planet! You decided, you planned, you analyzed (we still have the Excel file with pros and cons, cost of living, market analysis, etc.).

On paper, understanding a different culture sounds exotic. It's not. It's chaos! You've spent a lifetime thinking in a certain way, and now you have to learn from scratch. It's not guaranteed that you want to change your way of thinking. But with the community you're a part of, you have to face it. If making an appointment months in advance is necessary to have a coffee, you can't show up last minute and expect to be welcomed with open arms. Unless you want to live in frustration. You have to learn to understand the signals. The few that come. It's you who has to make the effort. They were already living here.


Where we love is home. Our feet can leave it, but not our hearts, writes Oliver Wendell Holmes

I agree. This means that, whatever the reason you left the place where you lived, you left pieces of your heart. And the void is not filled with a video call. A podcast guest told me, "You're always late, no matter what happens": you live a distant life, maybe you've even changed time zones. As fast as a plane or train can be, if something happens, you can't be there, at least physically. And it weighs on you. And you feel guilty.


The guy at the conference is right when he says that we have to make an effort and learn the language. You have to learn the rules, how they are applied, and how everything works. The law does not admit ignorance. Unfortunately, not knowing the language is an obstacle in this because you don't have access to much information. The language is, therefore, very important. Having a basic conversation can take a few months or many years. The problem is the next step, which is thinking in that language, knowing the idioms, the cultural references that the language is full of.

You don't just have to speak; you have to know how to communicate, and those are very different things.

No, preparing to live abroad is not like preparing for a vacation.


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