How tired are you? Expat fatigue.
I’m tired, very tired. I notice it from the lack of creativity, the frustration, the difficulty in tolerating certain situations, and the way I overreact to trivial things. My biggest warning sign is precisely the lack of creativity. What drives me and my work are ideas: I could do this or that, suggest this to a client or colleague, come up with ideas for videos, articles, or my beloved podcast.
In these rusty gears, I have my bike to kickstart the engine again, my daily mindfulness practice. Unless it’s raining or hailing, like last night, in which case my eyes and mind are focused on the road to avoid any falls (while also being too busy cursing the Dutch weather!)
How many things exhaust you every day? A myriad of stimuli coming from everywhere: the endless loops, schedules to organize, school/work/home commitments, family, and the fatigue from constant interruptions—"Hey, did you do this?" "Moooom, can you clean me up??!!" "What’s for dinner?" "Ma’am, the insurance." "Hallo, mag ik vragen??"
Then there are the never-ending to-do lists, the course you need to sign up for, and soon, the New Year’s resolutions will arrive. Help!!
And when you live abroad?
The same things happen. And then there are others that you end up taking for granted because they’re part of your life, but they drain so much of your energy.
The first step is to be fully aware of it! I’ve identified three factors. Do you have any others to add to the list?
The Language Factor There are days when you speak only your native language and little else. Other days, you attend events, meetings, or work and find yourself immersed all day in a linguistic bubble, whether it’s in English or the local language. Then there are days when you speak (or try to speak) three or more languages. You’re an adult, and your brain’s plasticity isn’t the same as that of a child. So yes, this can be extremely exhausting.
Social Life At least during the first two years abroad, your main goal (and I recommend starting this process even before moving!) is to rebuild your social life. Events, coffee dates, courses, your kids’ school, new colleagues, making friends at the park, and so on. If you’re introverted, your energy drains quickly. If you’re extroverted, you’ll still end up feeling fatigued—if only from forgetting a name here and there.
Cultural Competence Yes, because not only are you speaking a language you handle less confidently than your native tongue and adjusting your communication style based on the personality and character of your interlocutor, but you also need to consider their cultural identity—all while respecting your own.
It’s a complex task. With close friends, you allow yourself to say and ask almost anything (I’ve written about this here). But in daily life, you meet tons of people from all over the world. Recently, I attended an event where four people from an Asian country and one Dutch person were gathered around a table. The four friends were complaining about the food, the weather, etc.—as we all do. Naturally, the Dutch woman felt offended and asked why they had chosen the Netherlands if they found it so awful. Silence. And in case you’re wondering, no, she wasn’t very polite about it—I’ve rephrased her words in a kinder way.
If the same table had been filled with five Dutch people, they too would have complained about everything—but it’s different. This happens everywhere and to everyone. I’m not from Genoa, but if someone criticizes Genoa, I get defensive too.
I add another piece of awareness to my journey. And I tell myself, well done, good job. You are too!
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