Reflections on Feeling Capable or Inadequate
I was blowing soap bubbles with my son. At times, we competed to see who could make more bubbles or who could make the biggest one, and at other times, we played by chasing them.
Blowing bubbles is an underrated activity; it's a meditative moment that captivates you.
After a bit of practice, I managed to make one bubble inside another, make them bounce, and create clusters of bubbles that drifted into the air or were swatted away by Jacopo's little hand.
And I thought, "I'm getting pretty good at this." What if this were my next job?
When do you feel capable enough in what you're doing to say, "I'm good at this"?
I recently started working as an Italian teacher for foreigners. It’s an opportunity to return to the classroom, promote my culture, and use my coaching skills in a new field. In reality, it's the first time I've taught Italian. But I thought, I've been a trainer for years! I had some pretty unrealistic expectations of myself and the class.
During the first lesson, I felt a disconnect between what I had imagined and the reality.
And since I have my own insecurities, I questioned everything. As usual, I take what happens to me and try to step back, looking at it from the outside to understand the dynamics and what I’m learning from the experience.
The question I started with was: how do I know if I’m good?
Maybe it’s a question you ask yourself too, especially at the beginning of a new career path or during a major career change, or perhaps periodically when you find yourself thinking, “Am I capable?”
How can we tell if we’re really doing well, if we’re "good enough" in our new job or role?
the feedback
#Feedback is valuable, but it needs to be filtered. I asked students, colleagues, and friends who have done this job, and I received lots of useful information and comfort.
But be careful: not all feedback carries the same weight or the same story behind it.
In class, there was a girl who kept sighing. Was I explaining things poorly, or was she sighing because she didn’t feel capable enough to follow along and was blaming herself for not trying harder? Perhaps it was a mix of both. In any relationship, there’s my story, my intent, my abilities, and then there’s the other person, with all their baggage.
Being able to separate your own insecurities from someone else’s judgment and accurately read the situation is essential to truly understanding how your work is going.
Clear Goals
Right now, I’m juggling several jobs, and my mind is all over the place.
I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing down what I wanted to achieve in each activity. I couldn’t reduce everything to “make everyone happy," which is something I tend to do.
As I read somewhere, “If you want to please everyone, sell ice cream!”
What impact do your words and actions have on the people you work with? For example, in my role as a teacher, I started noticing the small progress students were making: a sentence they couldn’t say before, a new understanding that had been missing, and so on.
If you have your own business on Instagram and your goal is popularity with millions of followers, frustration is lurking around the corner. For my communication, I think in terms of “conversion rates,” which may sound impersonal, but it really helps define the goal: through my content, am I increasing the number of clients?
The goal “being good at what you do” isn’t an actual goal (just like being rich or popular), because it’s a concept that constantly changes as you evolve, face new challenges, and develop new skills.
The goal of “being good” is, therefore, a trap: it pushes you to seek constant validation without giving you a clear way to measure progress. That’s why it’s more useful to focus on specific, measurable goals that allow you to see your progress, both big and small.
Perfectionism
A sore point for those of us with #imposter #syndrome at full throttle! We often set incredibly high standards for ourselves, and if we don’t reach them, we immediately feel inadequate. Instead, try focusing on continuous #improvement. Ask yourself: am I better today than I was yesterday? Did I learn something new compared to last week? If the answer is yes, you’re already on the right track.
Don’t let the thought of not being “good enough” hold you back. You’re learning. It’s a process.
And I know that letting go of the idea “but I should know how to do this right away!” is a thought you’re familiar with and one that you easily slip into. It’s also one of those killer thoughts, as familiar as it is dangerous. Calm down. Breathe.
Reconnect with yourself and focus on the goal.
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